hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Did I show you my penis last night?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
