Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
