your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
