I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
it's like iHOP with fire
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
