Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
No I am not eating basil off your cock
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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