Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I stole a fireplace last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
