Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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