All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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