You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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