he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
