pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
