Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
