Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
