if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
