4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
