Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
