I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
