How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
