So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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