Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
