RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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