Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
