you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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