WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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