how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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