Do you still have your period?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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