hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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