I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
