I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
