now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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