i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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