sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
