I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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