we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
