Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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