genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How does one acquire holy water?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
