All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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