My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
