remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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