so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize