imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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