I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
