i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
