From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
