why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
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