Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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