You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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