Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
