She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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