Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
