He is like the real live version of the state fair..
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
